colors on the wall.

I find a need to go get more post-its in more colors. Because my wall is in a neat mess of them. Its just weird that the only colors on the wall is neon pink and green. And only two post-its are blue. Need to get prettier ones with more color.
I have a very strong urge to go get Mad Love. It's the comic I've been itching to buy for the longest time. LIKE SERIOUSLY. And to think that I was never a fan of DC comics. Harley Quinn is the best ever. I wanna be her. Even though that sounds slightly mad.
Tanning on Tuesday if I don't get the job.
Busy week. I promise myself that I'm going to write more now. Completed Crystal Meth. Bad ending, I know. I just don't have the patience for that anymore. Not when a better idea comes along and I get so excited with the thought of writing it.
Wait. Neck Cramp.
Got myself more K-pop songs and that makes me a really happy girl. I want to go to Lady GaGa's concert. Mummy's willing to buy me the tickets. But right now I can't find anyone to go with me.
Life's only going to get better. That's what I'm going to tell myself everytime I start to doubt myself. I suddenly enjoy being alone too much.

yeah.

to a woman so heartless.

I should probably tell myself, not to do things in the heat of the moment. Because you'll just end up confused and frustrated. You end up hurting someone.
It was not like I wanted things to turn out this way. I waited. I tried. I tried to talk to you. When I decide to let go, you come back into the picture. Yesterday was one of the nicest days I've had in a long time. But I was too comfortable in my independence. I still am. Call it a commitment phobia. I think it is. Past relationships have been like crap. And you have not given me any reassurances that things will be better. You disappear for days in a row. You hardly have time to rest. Let alone time for family, or me.
Please don't think that I wanted to do this. The last thing I want to do is hurt our friendship.
I tried to wait for the right time, but it was gone too fast and I've moved on. I'm just scared that things won't turn out the way things should. I worry too much and I know it. I can't help myself. Tell me how to be sure when all you've had are jerks.
I think I'm just going to cry myself to sleep tonight.

over and again.

funny how everything ends up to be about you.

stay strong, like i said. the hardest thing now is letting go.

There's obviously a reason why I choose to be pissed all the time rather than angry. And honestly, alot of my close friends have never seen me angry before. Simply because it's tiring. It wears you down so I choose to avoid it. But what happened last night was too much for me too take. I never knew how rash a person can get. Especially when someone has already gotten comfortable with things around them. Never thinking about the consequences of their actions.
Now I begin to wonder, who's the adult in the family? This has been a cycle I've been trying to break for the longest time. But if you don't wake up and look around you. You're going to fall into a bottomless pit.

mezza9

Alright. I was supposed to blog about dinner last night but I'm half-assed to do it. And also because I forgot to bring my cable to transfer the pictures from my phone.
I went out with my mum yesterday to satisfy the cravings of porridge. My mother is convinced that I'm pregnant. Right, so we went to DFS to get my mother her lipstick because it's cheaper there. And we met up with Aunt Esther. I think I'll just stick to calling her Esther for now. She, I must say, is a real compulsive buyer. If you call me one, you're dead wrong. (I'm talking to you Jane.) She spent three thousand bucks in two hours. I'm hearing people asking of she needs godchildren right about now. Don't worry, I'm asking the same question.
So Esther says she wants a drink, and we're off to Hyatt. She suddenly changes her mind saying that we should have dinner a well. And the bill for the dinner costs up to $400.19. If you ask me how did the amount end up so high, it's all the oysters fault. There was this offer of 19 oysters and you get a bottle of champagne for free. Esther being the champagne lover, bought the oysters. What me and my mother didn't know is that the oysters cost $15 each. If you're shocked, so am I. But dinner is amazing. maybe I'm just saying that because the dinner was expensive.
Did I mention that i got myself a Lancome mascara and a Clinque blusher for free? Simply because Esther said take whatever you want to buy. I really want to be her Goddaughter. Haha.

I really want to go watch Harry Potter now. I really really want to. Emma Watson is the shit. She's damn hot. Personally, I think Harry Potter is better than Twilight. The character is more indepth and you can see how things develop. Twilight, is just really superficial. Which is why my new aim is to collect the Harry potter books. YAY. Then I have to wonder where the money comes from. I can hear people in class saying that they want to watch HP.
And I want to go Korea. Eat the food there, buy the clothes there. Meet Lee Min Ho. He's going to be my future husband. Haha. I just have to keep dreaming.

Pictures for mezza9 to be up soon. Until then, I'm going to watch me some youtube.

Two years ago, I remember staying awake at night.
Two years ago, I remember receiving that text from Godma.
Two years ago, I woke up at 6 in the morning packing my bag to make sure I had all my clothes.
Two years ago, I remember going to class and the first line I said was "My father just passed away."
Two years ago, I gave Kaira Milo cause she was hungry and I always had milo.
Two years ago, I didn't cry.
Two years later, I don't intend to cry.
Daddy, You're long gone. I wont harp on the fact that you weren't here when I got my heart broken. Because you always missed on on the important things. I hardly miss you, that's true. But when I do, it hurts. It still hurts. It hurts because I didn't know how angry I was. It hurt because i wasn't willing to forgive. I feel better now. Thank you for blessing me. Or the lack of it. Whichever you feel is right.
I'll keep the most perfect image of you in my mind.

Happy Birthday Aunt Viola!

I DONT CARE.

There's always a reason why I love post secrets and why I visit multiple times a week. Because sometimes there's Saturday secrets as well as Sunday secrets.
The best think I love? I see my secrets in theirs.





Now, I feel whole.

2NE1/BIG BANG.

simply because their song has been in my head for the longest time.
esp when they clap and go "i dont care eh eh eh eh eh."
loves CL and Dara.

the live version.


the MV.
love CL's afro.


way better than the pussycat dolls.


this song has been stuck in my head for the past week. damnit.

i wanna go korea now)):

HOLD ME WHEN I'M HERE.

It;s been a mighty long time since I've put emotions to words. Usually there's a journal for this. But when I saw my journal last night, for the first time in a long time, I've felt disgusted with myself. I find myself going through the same circles only with someone different this time. I have a habit of reading my old entries, seeing if I have changed. It seems that there's something about me that doesn't seem to change at all. Its not like I choose to be like this. I just choose to ignore it and not do anything about it. That's where disgust kicks in.
I got caught crying by my mother last night. A revelation perhaps. I was looking through pictures and I wondered. What if I lost them? Yeah, heartache. Or maybe it's just a good excuse to cry. An excuse to let out pent out emotions. The perks of staying at home with nothing to do but watch Japanese dramas and think. People by now would be thinking, go get a job. I know. I want to try something new but nothing seems to be working out. Jun would say that the rainbow is right ahead. And I would pretend to believe him.
I would say, get out more. Enjoy more of life before you have to conform to society, work and have a life that everyone else seems to have. I don't seem to know what I want. Well, I have quite alot of things planned out for the end of the year. I'm actually looking forward to October. Bangkok and Oktoberfest. I'm just mighty good at digressing.

I wrote two songs last night. It has been a really long time since I've wrote and everything seems to make me travel back to the past. I think it was him that make me bitter and cynical. Time to change, time to change. That is what I always say but never do. Saying is easy. Its always easy.

K-POP OBSESSION.

13 guys in a band is heaven.


I GOT MY BOF FIX!

SHAUN THE GENIUS.

[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
eh u know any webbie that i can find tamil song lyrics?
artemis scythe★ says:
BUT ITS BETTER
no pain no gain
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
google the song
then can find the lyrics
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
i did
not helping
artemis scythe★ says:
www.upthecamelsballsturnright.com
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
FUCK. BASTARRRRDDD
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
HAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHA
artemis scythe★ says:
if he really click the i dont know what to say
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
it was actually ass not balls
but nvm
lol
artemis scythe★ says:
I ALWAYS SAY BALLS CANNOT AH
CRIME AH
SIN AH?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
lol lol lol lol
artemis scythe★ says:
GO TO HELL FOR IT AH
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
yeah
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
fierce seyyyy
artemis scythe★ says:
hhaha.
i was laughing like mad
nasri arieyanto says:
is that a real website?
artemis scythe★ says:
stomach pain now
CB LA NAS
nasri arieyanto says:
cos i clicked, and nothing appears
it says page error
hmm interesting.

[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
u need a boost!
go wax ur jiggle!
artemis scythe★ says:
no one calls it jiggle
sounds like boobs
nasri arieyanto says:
jigle is boobs
thats the idea right
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
-.-"
artemis scythe★ says:
hahaha
no, shaun aint tt smart
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
LOL
http://vishnudharan.blogmas.com/2009/03/08/siva-manasula-sakthi-lyrics-oru-kal-oru-kannadi-lyrics/
artemis scythe★ says:
his jiggle means chi chi
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
shaun that's for you
nasri arieyanto says:
whats chi chi
artemis scythe★ says:
pa pat
puki
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
chibai
you want the tamil version also?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
hahhah
thanks!!!
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
you suck la shaun
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
OMG its called VISHNUDHARAN!!
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
dont know how to find lyric also
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
its a sign!
lol
artemis scythe★ says:
its a sign that you shouldnt enter?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
good one.
nasri arieyanto says:
wtf are you dim-witted bigoted pricks talking about?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
whos boy george?
artemis scythe★ says:
omg
YOU DONT KNOW WHO'S BOY GEORGE?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
haahah
artemis scythe★ says:
NASRI
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
that i
artemis scythe★ says:
SLAP HIM
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
SHOULD
artemis scythe★ says:
NOW
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
cez its VISHNU!
who the hell is that???
artemis scythe★ says:
you shouldnt cause you dont know who boy george is
you know culture club?
nasri arieyanto says:
oh i will
fucking i will slap hoim
him*
NESSA GIVE ME AN UMBRELLA
HARUNA
SLIPPERS!
NOW
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
who is he?
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
HEELS
nasri arieyanto says:
he's the next president of USA after barrack obama
cool guy
he's indian
cool huh
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
and why the hell is he like me??
nasri arieyanto says:
first a black president
then an indian
i dont kno
artemis scythe★ says:
casue
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
wait
artemis scythe★ says:
he wears eye liner
nasri arieyanto says:
maybe beacuse both are about to get fucking punch by me?
my god shaun
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
why are the electing a president so fast??
nasri arieyanto says:
because there's a war ocming
artemis scythe★ says:
CB LA
nasri arieyanto says:
didnt you know?
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
they chose barrack after soo many months!
nasri arieyanto says:
yeah
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
that doesnt make any sense
nasri arieyanto says:
but after a tenure of 4 years, they gotta change
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
LOL
[c=9][b] Giovanni [/b][/c] says:
somemore his name is BOY
hahhahaha
nasri arieyanto says:
an indian president cool huh
¨°«·¤·hå®üñâ·¤·»°¨ says:
nasri, slap him please
or just shove a spade up his ass
nasri arieyanto says:
his real name is Georgekumaran Sanskrit


sorry. cannot tahan. see, boy george changed his name.

I want...

• Dinner at Satay Club at Lau Pa Sat.
• Timbre!
• Cafe Iguana!
• Trying out the Japanese BBQ place.
• Ice cream!
  
• Fish Head Curry.
• Island Creamery!
• Porridge at Tiong Poh Street.
• October to come soon so that I can go Bangkok!
• A job.
• A boyfriend. (It seems to be a recurring theme.)
• A picnic!
• Go swimming. (I love it more than any sport in the world.
• Get myself drunk. (Which I seem to be doing quite often now.)
  

And when I get older...

• I want to be a singer.
• A songwriter.
• Writer, for books, magazines, whatnot.
  
• Bartender.
• Medic.
• Actress.
• Win a Grammy.
• Win and Oscar.
• Create a foundation for kids. (Even though I don't really like them when they're crying.)
• Buy my mother her dream house, then I buy my own dream house.

In a list mood now.

I can't hide the marks.

I told myself that I was going to do some writing today. But it seems that it's clearly not working. I woke up late, where my eye hurts, nose leaking and with a heavy heart. I've got so many things that I want to do but I've seem to have lost my motivation. Great. Lethargic. That's exactly what I'm feeling now.
I haven't written a decent song. I haven't written a decent chapter. It just seems that writing has left me. Creative juices have dried up but my tears haven't.
I miss the feel of the gardens and the night sky. I keep wanting to snuggle into bed to feel the warmth it offers. But even now I feel like running away from that.
It seems to be a problem that I've faced for far too long. I keep running away. Maybe it's the only way i know how to solve something. But I'm looking around me, thinking what is there to solve?
Claire? She ran away. She's never coming back.
Alot of people are running away from me. I can't help feeling that there's something wrong with me somewhere. Did I not treasure you enough? Or were my feelings too strong that I lost control? Or I just didn't know how to carry on when the past keeps coming back to haunt? I see you out of nowhere. I buried you deep in my head. I swore never to think about you that way again. I keep failing myself. I just keep failing.
The only way to make myself feel better is to go on a comfort food spree. So typical nessa, act now and think later. And then you regret it for as long as you live. Yes, right now, her regret is slowly killing her.
I miss late night talks. Until unearthly hours in the morning. I miss sleeping with a smile on a face. Waking up and feeling like life's worth living. Maybe I've just been lying to myself all these years and not know it. Right. I seem to be really good in doing that. It's hard to quit when you don't even know that it's there.
I'm off to do my hair later. If the appointment still holds. New hair colour means a new phase. Right, thats what I said for the haircut. Oh, that was to make myself feel better after some ex of mine had a real knack of making me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm happier without him. Who gives a shit if he has a bike. I'd rather someone who can drive.
Half the time, I have no idea what I was talking about.